Category: Entertainment

McDowell’s Accepts Offer to Open Restaurants Across Russia

QUEENS, NEW YORK — After the shuttering of McDonald’s restaurants in Russia due to the country’s invasion of Ukraine, president Vladimir Putin has made a desperate plea to other fast food chains to fill Russia’s empty food courts and bus stations. While this plea fell on mostly deaf ears, Queens-based McDowell’s burgers has answered the call.

Read More

Post-Apocalyptic Films Continue Losing Viewers to Evening News

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been another tough season for Hollywood after a tumultuous year of COVID-19 and the Russo-Ukraine War, but now the seemingly scandal-proof genre of post-apocalyptic blockbusters is feeling the squeeze. Once considered a safe haven for escapism, ‘end-of-the-world’ films have become all too real for many viewers. With increasingly powerful […]

Read More
Measles comeback tour

Measles, Mumps, & Rubella Comeback Tour a Smashing Success

SEATTLE, WA — After decades in obscurity, measles, mumps, & rubella have reunited and returned to the smashing success they enjoyed in the early half of the 20th century. Jointly known as MMR, their unexpected reunion tour has become a viral sensation, spreading across the globe at record speed. Once known for having when they […]

Read More
The mule

Clint Eastwood Directs New Film About Character and Plot From Last Three Films

LOS ANGELES, CA — In his latest film, legendary actor and director Clint Eastwood takes on subject matter he has only examined three times before in his three most recent films. A stark contrast from films made many years ago by different directors, Eastwood’s latest masterwork takes an unflinching look at the life of a […]

Read More

White House Intern Drowns In Melania’s Christmas Themed River of Blood

Tragedy struck last night shortly before the unveiling on Melania Trump’s White House Christmas decoration extravaganza, when an East Wing intern drowned in a holiday themed river of blood. Only minutes before initiating the Slovakian midnight winter sacrament, the intern was swept away by a festive red wave of animal parts. Often renowned for her […]

Read More

Penises Proving to Be Inappropriate for the Work Place

After a seemingly endless stream of high profile firings over sexual harassment accusations, many are starting to worry these may not be 200-300 isolated incidents. Matt Lauer’s dismissal from NBC is the latest in a long string of allegations leveled at men in positions of power. Lauer, like fellow news anchors Bill O’Reilly and Charlie Rose, […]

Read More

First Trump International Correctional Facility Opens in Long Island

In anticipation of a long list of federal indictments filed against the president and his associates, Trump Entertainment Resorts(TER) has opened its first private prison in central Long Island. Although not formally approved by the president himself, TER head Robert Griffin purchased the facility in an effort to expand the reach of the Trump brand. […]

Read More

Fox News Sees Ratings Plummet as Trump’s Actions Become Impossible to Spin

Conservative News Network Struggles to Find Positive Spin Known for its conservative lean, Fox News has seen its ratings dive as President Trump and his White House have become increasingly difficult to report in a positive light. Producers say they have tried to promote other stories or simply not cover the President, but viewers seem […]

Read More