O’Reilly Makes $32 Million Misunderstanding Payment

A recent New York Times article uncovered a $32 million payment made in 2016 by former Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly to settle a misunderstanding with a female coworker.

This was the 6th known misunderstanding payment made by O’Reilly or Fox News on his behalf. Allegations made against O’Reilly have ranged from the women misunderstanding his fondling and the gay porn he sent them to misunderstanding consensual sex.

After the 2016 misunderstanding was cleared up with the $32 million innocence payment, Fox News renewed O’Reilly’s contract for four years, only to have more misunderstandings less than a year later. The seventh misunderstanding proved untenable and Fox News was forced to let O’Reilly go for no good reason.

“We love Bill and we know he’s innocent,” former Fox News head Roger Ailes said before being ousted for his own sexual misunderstandings, “But we can’t keep paying millions and millions of dollars for stuff he isn’t doing. We have a seven strikes and you’re out policy here at Fox News.”

O’Reilly led ratings throughout his tenure at Fox News and became the second most successful sexual predator working at the news network. Known for his relentless work schedule, O’Reilly would go from attacking Bill Clinton’s inappropriate affair with a White House intern to promoting family values, sometimes just hours after raping members of his staff.

“Women these days don’t understand what it means to be in a news room,” O’Reilly said in his defense, “There’s always going to be locker room banter or an anchor masturbating in your coffee. That’s network news.”

O’Reilly built his career on two slogans: his famous “No Spin Zone” and the lesser known “It’s Not Rape if They Don’t Convict You”. By combining the two, O’Reilly soared in cable ratings and was given his own show “The O’Reilly Factor”, which was also his favorite saying when rubbing his genitals on female co workers.

Until the negative publicity blows over and Fox News is able to rehire him, O’Reilly runs a podcast from his mother’s basement on a ham radio.