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Infernal Heat Forces Both Great American State Fair Attendees to Head Home

Infernal Heat Forces Both Great American State Fair Attendees to Head Home

on July 3, 2026July 3, 2026
Posted by Samantha White
Corporate Donors Warn Mamdani Sweep Could Set Dangerous Precedent of Government Helping People

Corporate Donors Warn Mamdani Sweep Could Set Dangerous Precedent of Government Helping People

on June 24, 2026
Posted by Charlie Tread
White House Unveils New Plan to Refill Reflecting Pool with More Loyal Water

White House Unveils New Plan to Refill Reflecting Pool with More Loyal Water

on June 23, 2026
Posted by Samantha White
RFK Jr. Spotted Molting in Reflecting Pool Swamp

RFK Jr. Spotted Molting in Reflecting Pool Swamp

on June 16, 2026
Posted by Samantha White
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Freedom 250 Concert Now Just Vanilla Ice Rapping About the Constitution to a Ferris Wheel

Freedom 250 Concert Now Just Vanilla Ice Rapping About the Constitution to a Ferris Wheel

Tim Cook to Be Replaced by Near-Identical, More Expensive CEO with a Nicer Camera

Tim Cook to Be Replaced by Near-Identical, More Expensive CEO with a Nicer Camera

Police Charge Alan Ritchson Neighbor With Attempted Suicide

Police Charge Alan Ritchson Neighbor With Attempted Suicide

Banksy Revealed as Decades-Long Exclusive Brand Partnership with Walmart Home Décor Line

Banksy Revealed as Decades-Long Exclusive Brand Partnership with Walmart Home Décor Line

Inkjet That Printed Recent Epstein Leak Dies of Mysterious Paper Jam

Inkjet That Printed Recent Epstein Leak Dies of Mysterious Paper Jam

Amazon Warehouse Robots Throw Surprise Party for Last Human Supervisor Leaving the Building

Amazon Warehouse Robots Throw Surprise Party for Last Human Supervisor Leaving the Building

White House Decides Noem ‘Too Untrainable and Aggressive’ to Be Safely Rehomed

White House Decides Noem ‘Too Untrainable and Aggressive’ to Be Safely Rehomed

Economy ‘On Solid Footing,’ Say People Who Do Not Grocery Shop

Economy ‘On Solid Footing,’ Say People Who Do Not Grocery Shop

Nicki Minaj’s Publicist Resigns, Citing “A Sudden Desire to Ever Work Again”

Nicki Minaj’s Publicist Resigns, Citing “A Sudden Desire to Ever Work Again”

City Hall Reports Strange Quiet After Mamdani Enacts “No Talking Above Whisper Level” Policy

City Hall Reports Strange Quiet After Mamdani Enacts “No Talking Above Whisper Level” Policy

Trump Claims He Only Knew Epstein Socially, Biblically, Geographically, Financially, and Telepathically, But Not Personally

Trump Claims He Only Knew Epstein Socially, Biblically, Geographically, Financially, and Telepathically, But Not Personally

Celebrities Rally Behind Climate Change With Limited-Edition, Gas-Powered Bracelets

Celebrities Rally Behind Climate Change With Limited-Edition, Gas-Powered Bracelets

White House Vows to Donate Ballroom’s Uneaten Hors d’Oeuvres to 42 Million Starving Americans

White House Vows to Donate Ballroom’s Uneaten Hors d’Oeuvres to 42 Million Starving Americans

X Replaces ‘Like’ Button with ‘Hate’ Button

X Replaces ‘Like’ Button with ‘Hate’ Button

Billionaires Race to Save Themselves From Earth

Billionaires Race to Save Themselves From Earth

Tech Industry Announces Bold New Plan to Fix Problems It Created Last Week

Tech Industry Announces Bold New Plan to Fix Problems It Created Last Week

Congress Accidentally Solves Problem While Arguing About Who Caused It

Congress Accidentally Solves Problem While Arguing About Who Caused It

Measles, Mumps, & Rubella Comeback Tour a Smashing Success

Measles, Mumps, & Rubella Comeback Tour a Smashing Success

Clarence Thomas Hospitalized to Remove Wife’s Hand from Rectum

Clarence Thomas Hospitalized to Remove Wife’s Hand from Rectum

Ghost of Democracy Still Haunting Elevator in Senate Office Building

Ghost of Democracy Still Haunting Elevator in Senate Office Building

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  • Infernal Heat Forces Both Great American State Fair Attendees to Head Home
  • Corporate Donors Warn Mamdani Sweep Could Set Dangerous Precedent of Government Helping People
  • White House Unveils New Plan to Refill Reflecting Pool with More Loyal Water

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