WASHINGTON, DC — In what officials are calling “a tasteful solution to a growing problem,” the White House has announced a new humanitarian initiative to donate leftover hors d’oeuvres from official events to the nation’s 42 million food-insecure citizens who are on the brink of losing SNAP benefits.
Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt described the program, titled Operation Elegant Relief, as “a symbol of empathy plated with microgreens.” The plan will see uneaten crab puffs, mini quiches, and other bite-sized delicacies gathered nightly from the White House Ballroom, flash-frozen, and “distributed to communities as soon as the flavor profile allows.”
“People have called this White House out of touch with the plight of the average American,” Leavitt said defending plans to build the $300M Ballroom while food prices skyrocket. But to those struggling I say: Let them eat crab puffs!” Leavitt declared confidently, pausing only to clarify that the quote was not meant to echo any historical figures, “but if it does, that’s fine—ours are more delectable.”
Critics of the plan argue that logistical challenges could limit the impact, as each hors d’oeuvre measures roughly one square inch and is often served on decorative toothpicks. Early test recipients reportedly struggled to identify what they were eating. “I thought it was soap,” said one confused man at a food bank, nibbling a chilled mini quiche through its napkin wrapper.
The White House insists, however, that the initiative reflects “an authentic spirit of generosity” and plans to expand the program as soon as it determines how to vacuum-seal canapés. Officials say they’re in talks with major shipping companies to ensure the amuse bouche “arrive Instagram-ready.”
Meanwhile, hunger advocates remain skeptical but cautiously optimistic. “It’s not a meal,” said one nonprofit director, “but it’s nice to know someone’s thinking of us between champagne toasts.”
As the pilot program rolls out, the administration promises to continue evaluating results to determine which mini-appetizers are most often passed over by gala attendees. Said one insider, “It’s trickle-down gastronomics.”
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