Amazon Sponsors Met Gala, Suggests Cheaper, Worse Version of Every Outfit on May 5, 2026May 5, 2026 Posted by Rachel Ortega
Trump Nominates Fox News Sound Guy as Commander of U.S. Strategic Command on May 1, 2026 Posted by Samantha White
SCOTUS Deems Witch-Burning Constitutional as Long as Accused Given Opportunity to Confess on April 30, 2026 Posted by Samantha White
Palantir Claims Domestic Surveillance is Only Aimed at Finding Future Resistance Leader Who Keeps Sending Back Time-Traveling Soldiers to Disrupt Company Operations
White House Spiritual Advisor Channeling Demonic Entity to Fight the Pope Confident She’s On the Good Side of This Whole Thing
Coachella Attendees Report Deeper Emotional Connection to Their Own Faces Than to Any Artist on Stage
Pope Says Beast of Revelation Will Have “Seven Heads, Ten Horns, and a Surprisingly Aggressive Social Media Strategy”
White House Reporters Shocked as Trump Explains Entire Iran Strategy Using Only “Kaboom!”, “Pew Pew” and Hand Motions
Local Diners Concerned After New Hooters Staff Replaces Kids’ Menu With “Character-Building Hardship”
