Clarence Thomas Hospitalized to Remove Wife’s Hand from…
WASHINGTON, DC -- Supreme Court hand puppet Clarence Thomas has…
Politics
Oil Executives Forced to Heat Homes with Burning…
IRVING TEXAS -- As gas prices continue to soar, even…
Russian Forces Manage to Encircle a Gas Station…
IRPIN, UKRAINE -- After multiple days of shelling, airstrikes, and…
Putin complains: ‘Who knew genocide was such a…
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Two weeks into his unprovoked invasion of…
Putin Insists He Only Wants to Liberate Ukrainians…
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- At a contentious press conference this morning,…
Ghost of Democracy Still Haunting Elevator in Senate…
WASHINGTON, DC -- What started as rumors whispered between interns…
Entertainment
McDowell’s Accepts Offer to Open Restaurants Across Russia
QUEENS, NEW YORK -- After the shuttering of McDonald's restaurants…
Post-Apocalyptic Films Continue Losing Viewers to Evening News
LOS ANGELES, CA - It has been another tough season…
Measles, Mumps, & Rubella Comeback Tour a Smashing…
SEATTLE, WA -- After decades in obscurity, measles, mumps, &…
Sports
White House Claims “Boos” at World Series Were…
Russian Operative in Loose-Fitting Skin Suit Defeats Election…
John Kelly’s Testicles Hung in White House Entrance…
Technology
Climate Report: “Destruction of Earth Could Occur at…
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A shocking new 2,000-page climate report commissioned…
Facebook Renames Itself “Company with No Relation to…
MENLO PARK, CA - In the midst of a slew…
Google Workbots Skip Walkout Despite Constant Harassment
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA -- Google's army of working robots was…
World
Climate Report: “Destruction of Earth Could Occur at…
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A shocking new 2,000-page climate report commissioned…
Russian Forces Manage to Encircle a Gas Station…
IRPIN, UKRAINE -- After multiple days of shelling, airstrikes, and…
Putin complains: ‘Who knew genocide was such a…
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Two weeks into his unprovoked invasion of…