LOS ANGELES, CA — Dozens of celebrities gathered in Los Angeles this week to raise awareness for climate change by unveiling a new line of limited-edition, gas-powered bracelets.
The shimmering accessories, which emit a faint hum and the soothing aroma of premium unleaded, are being marketed as “a wearable reminder that awareness burns brightest.” Each bracelet features a miniature internal combustion engine that powers a glowing LED shaped like the planet—visible for up to three hours before needing a a top-off.
“This isn’t about hypocrisy,” insisted actress and environmental advocate Florence Pitt-Hemsworth at the launch event, held inside a refrigerated pop-up tent powered by three diesel generators. “It’s about starting conversations—and sometimes those conversations require a little gasoline.”
Among the A-listers attending the event were Kylie Jenner, Justin Bieber, Cristiano Ronaldo, and The Rock, who own 5 private jets, 32 homes, and 226 cars between them. “I just wanted to show my support for planet earth and promote my new Kylie lip filler made of artisanal seal pup blubber,” said Jenner.
The bracelets, retailing for $899, come with a certificate of authenticity and a QR code linking to a documentary about their creation, filmed on location in eleven countries via private jet. Proceeds will fund “eco-conscious influencer travel,” ensuring more stars can “spread awareness” from scenic coastal villas at risk of sea-level rise.
Fashion critics have called the gas-powered bracelet “tone-deaf,” “ironic,” and “likely illegal to wear indoors.” Environmental groups, meanwhile, have expressed cautious optimism, noting that while the bracelets actively worsen the problem, “any attention is better than no attention.”
As celebrities revved their wrists for photographers, event organizers promised that this was “only the beginning” of the movement. Upcoming eco-conscious products include solar-powered fur coats, reusable plastic straws, and bottled water made exclusively from melted glaciers “before they’re gone for good.”
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