Vice President Mike Pence left many morning java lovers shocked when he stormed out of an LA Starbucks earlier today. After slamming the door, a barista noticed he had left his tall vanilla bean, extra milk, extra white, decaf behind. “We accidentally just gave him black coffee,” admitted the barista.
“At first I thought it was because we had spelled his name wrong (They spelled it PENICE),” The shocked barista added, “But the secret service agent said he doesn’t like his coffee black.”
Pence, a staunch advocate of Jesus and patriotism, had just returned from a short publicity stunt in Indianapolis where he exited a Colts game because a player kneeled during the national anthem. Aides say he was abnormally grouchy and needed his morning “jitter juice” to get him going.
“We were supposed to leave immediately after the anthem, salute the flag, kiss a baby, and hug a first responder, but the baby kept crying whenever Mike got near,” said an aide speaking on conditions of anonymity,”We didn’t want to just get up and leave a la Hitler when Carl Lewis won the gold.” The aide added,”Before that Mike was in Vegas thinking and praying for the whole day, so it’s been a crazy week. Things can get very chaotic when the President isn’t around.”
Pence and his President are considering a Twitter war with Starbucks in the coming days. Continued the aide,”We may call for a boycott, or we may totally destroy them.”