Over the past week, Hollywood studios have seen a remarkable drop in the number of ugly, fat, lecherous men seeking positions as executive producers. Normally the most aggressive group of applicants, studios worry they will not be able to greenlight future projects if unable to fill the critical position.
Some speculate that the sudden drop could be attributed to remarkable demise of ugly, fat, lecherous super producer Harvey Weinstein. The timing coincides with a New York Times article and a follow up New Yorker expose accusing the producer of a continued pattern of sexual harassment and even rape spanning decades.
“It has nothing to do with Harvey, I just don’t think it’s a great job,” one ugly, fat, lecherous former producer commented as he tried to fondle this reporters breast, “Hollywood is changing and the role of the producer just isn’t what it used to be.”
It is often said that producers are individuals who want to be involved in the entertainment industry, but are too ugly to act.
“Sexually harassing hot women and men is one of the perks of the job,” admitted another ugly, fat, lecherous former applicant, “You want the part, you head to the casting couch. It’s kind of the unspoken accepted Hollywood truth. There’s an entire porn genre dedicated to the stuff.”
In the meantime, Hollywood is trying to fill the gap with attractive, fit, non-lecherous producers, but it has proven difficult. “The reality of the film industry is, pretty people want to be a movie stars,” stated one film executive speaking on conditions of anonymity, “If a producer can’t lord his power over you, then he would rather masturbate to your nude scenes in his living room with the curtains drawn.”