Breaking News:
Thursday, Dec 19, 2024
QUEENS, NEW YORK — After the shuttering of McDonald’s restaurants in Russia due to the country’s invasion of Ukraine, president Vladimir Putin has made a desperate plea to other fast food chains to fill Russia’s empty food courts and bus stations. While this plea fell on mostly deaf ears, Queens-based McDowell’s burgers has answered the call.
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LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been another tough season for Hollywood after a tumultuous year of COVID-19 and the Russo-Ukraine War, but now the seemingly scandal-proof genre of post-apocalyptic blockbusters is feeling the squeeze. Once considered a safe haven for escapism, ‘end-of-the-world’ films have become all too real for many viewers. With increasingly powerful […]
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SEATTLE, WA — After decades in obscurity, measles, mumps, & rubella have reunited and returned to the smashing success they enjoyed in the early half of the 20th century. Jointly known as MMR, their unexpected reunion tour has become a viral sensation, spreading across the globe at record speed. Once known for having when they […]
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LOS ANGELES, CA — In his latest film, legendary actor and director Clint Eastwood takes on subject matter he has only examined three times before in his three most recent films. A stark contrast from films made many years ago by different directors, Eastwood’s latest masterwork takes an unflinching look at the life of a […]
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Tragedy struck last night shortly before the unveiling on Melania Trump’s White House Christmas decoration extravaganza, when an East Wing intern drowned in a holiday themed river of blood. Only minutes before initiating the Slovakian midnight winter sacrament, the intern was swept away by a festive red wave of animal parts. Often renowned for her […]
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LOS ANGELES, CA — After recently being outed for traveling inside a large suitcase to avoid paparazzi, Taylor Swift has become more forthcoming about her strange travel habit. On several recent flights, the megastar has unzipped herself from her travel sack and continued her trips from the luggage bin. As a result, an increasing number […]
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After a seemingly endless stream of high profile firings over sexual harassment accusations, many are starting to worry these may not be 200-300 isolated incidents. Matt Lauer’s dismissal from NBC is the latest in a long string of allegations leveled at men in positions of power. Lauer, like fellow news anchors Bill O’Reilly and Charlie Rose, […]
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With the increasing demand for superhero movies, Universal has finally created a movie where every single character has super powers. The new movie titled, “The Fantastic 5000”, features nearly every hero from the Marvel universe filling all roles no matter how big or small. “It was hard to come up with a script where every […]
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In anticipation of a long list of federal indictments filed against the president and his associates, Trump Entertainment Resorts(TER) has opened its first private prison in central Long Island. Although not formally approved by the president himself, TER head Robert Griffin purchased the facility in an effort to expand the reach of the Trump brand. […]
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In an effort to revitalize their sagging careers, many former celebrities are turning to Fox News for renewed relevance. Over the years, B-actors and former stars have identified conservative talking points that can pull them from the shadows and back into the national spotlight. One of the most effective strategies has been a simple endorsement […]
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A recent New York Times article uncovered a $32 million payment made in 2016 by former Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly to settle a misunderstanding with a female coworker. This was the 6th known misunderstanding payment made by O’Reilly or Fox News on his behalf. Allegations made against O’Reilly have ranged from the women misunderstanding […]
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In a surprise appointment, President Trump introduced disgraced entertainment mogul Harvey Weinstein as the new head of the White House Council on Women and Girls. Although some may question Mr. Weinstein’s qualifications for a position, others feel his carnal knowledge of some of the most influential women in the world may prove him to be […]
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Over the past week, Hollywood studios have seen a remarkable drop in the number of ugly, fat, lecherous men seeking positions as executive producers. Normally the most aggressive group of applicants, studios worry they will not be able to greenlight future projects if unable to fill the critical position. Some speculate that the sudden drop […]
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Vice President Mike Pence left many morning java lovers shocked when he stormed out of an LA Starbucks earlier today. After slamming the door, a barista noticed he had left his tall vanilla bean, extra milk, extra white, decaf behind. “We accidentally just gave him black coffee,” admitted the barista. “At first I thought it […]
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New data reveals that Hurricane Harvey was much more grievous than previously believed. The hurricane was the worst such storm to hit the US in 12 years, leaving behind a path of destruction and $71 billion dollars in damages. But new research suggests that Harvey was much more sinister than scientists had imagined. Shockingly, scientists […]
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Conservative News Network Struggles to Find Positive Spin Known for its conservative lean, Fox News has seen its ratings dive as President Trump and his White House have become increasingly difficult to report in a positive light. Producers say they have tried to promote other stories or simply not cover the President, but viewers seem […]
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OJ Plans to Focus on “Friends, Family, and Golf” In an alarming statement before his upcoming parole from a Nevada prison, OJ Simpson threatened to murder his friends and family with golf clubs upon his release. Famous for playing professional football and murdering his ex-wife and her then boyfriend, OJ has spent the last nine […]
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Hugh Hefner Dies at 91 With a HUGE Smile on His Face Playboy founder and media mogul Hugh Hefner died last night in the Playboy mansion. Hefner survived three marriages, nightly sex with half of Los Angeles, and massive amounts of drugs and alcohol for over half of his 91 years. Although admitting to have […]
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Game of Thrones Ready to Spend Big Costs for each of the final episodes of HBO’s hit series Game of Thrones are estimated to top $15 million…EACH! With the soaring investment in scripted television, Game of Thrones has set the new mark for a 60 minute(hopefully a bit more) episode. Several years ago, the thought […]
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