Breaking News:
Friday, May 3, 2024
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – As the migrant caravan of Central American refugees has been grabbing headlines, a similar but much less publicized group of American migrants has quietly been making headway towards the Canadian border. The group, primarily made up of scientists, medical professionals, Constitutional lawyers, economists, and teachers, has made its way to within a […]
Read More
NEW YORK, NY – As the mid term elections draw near, a new Pew poll has found that better than 4 of 5 people who breath exclusively from their mouths support Republican candidates throughout the country. Pew conducted the survey in all 50 states and is the first of its kind to examine a corollary […]
Read More
ISTANBUL, TURKEY — As questions regarding the fate of international journalist Jamal Khashoggi mount, Saudi Arabia continues to deny any involvement in his disappearance. Mr. Khashoggi, who has been critical of the Saudi government, was last seen entering to Saudi Consulate in Istanbul on October 2nd to apply for a marriage license, but surveillance footage […]
Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — For weeks, an ongoing mystery has been baffling White House staffers. Every few days, President Trump’s crayon box has had to be replaced because countless colors have gone missing. This has reportedly infuriated the President, who has become increasingly suspicious of his staff, and disrupted work on his biographical coloring book. “The […]
Read More
AFRICA — While on a glamorous $25 million, four-country photoshoot tour in some of the most beautiful backdrops in Africa, First Lady Melania Trump may have finally completed her ongoing search for the fabled Lost Ark of the Covenant. Melania’s quest began when White House Chief of Staff John Kelly sat her in front of a […]
Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an apparent victory lap after the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-SC) was photographed bathing in the tears of protestors distressed by the collapse of American democracy. During the protests, many had questioned why McConnell staffers were out collecting the tears of survivors of sexual […]
Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Details of the White House’s order for the FBI to investigate sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have revealed limits to the scope of the investigation. The White House has reportedly told the Bureau to ”…only investigate matters which have already been proven to be true.” President Trump also […]
Read More
Republican strategists have been facing increased difficulties as they attempt to find under qualified sexual predators to fill vacancies in elections across the country. This comes as Representative Jim Knoblach (R-MN) becomes the latest, in a string of Republican sexual predators, to abandon his bid for re-election after allegations of sexual misconduct were raised. By […]
Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to Bob Woodward’s new tell all book “Fear: Trump in the White House”, President Trump has followed through on his Twitter threat write on his own book. Trump promises to reveal the real truth behind his time in the White House in a 12-page picture book which he will dictate to […]
Read More
NEW YORK, NY — In an apparent response to Nike’s surprise endorsement of former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, Adidas inked a last minute endorsement deal with President Trump. This comes on the heels of nationwide protests by citizens who consider Kaepernick “Unamerican” for his peaceful protests against racial inequality and police brutality. This has led […]
Read More
Yes, the conservatives are winning. And the news is only going to get worse. Protesting, Mueller, and the impotent democratic leadership can’t save you now. With his announcement that he will be stepping down after 30 years as the semi-rational swing Justice and an increasingly conservative Supreme Court, Justice Anthony Kennedy has set the stage […]
Read More
In recent weeks, controversial Pro-AIDS lobby AIDSNOW has recently ramped up efforts to gain favor with many vulnerable Congressional Republicans in the run up to this year’s mid-term elections. FEC filings have revealed over $30 million in donations being poured into races across the country. In recent years, AIDS has been pushed to the brink […]
Read More
Hawaiian tourists have suffered through nearly a week of disrupted nature tours due to the explosion of the Kilauea Volcano on Hawaii’s Big Island. As lava flows have cut off several of the islands most popular trails, many hikers are desperately trying not to allow it to ruin their vacation. “We came here for the […]
Read More
After yet another mass shooting that left 17 people dead in a Florida high school, GOP leaders are scrambling for solutions to this ongoing crisis. With more questions that answers, some Republican leaders believe that telepaths with the ability to predict gun violence may offer the best solution to the problem. “We’ve got to confront […]
Read More
After decades of fruitless attempts, the Philadelphia Eagles brought home their first ever Superbowl Championship by upsetting the heavily favored New England Patriots in Superbowl LII. To celebrate the unprecedented victory, Philadelphia citizens took to the streets and destroyed the “City of Brotherly Love” in a show of unbridled enthusiasm and kinship. Long known as […]
Read More
The White House appears to have a fascist problem. Work orders obtained by NBC reveal complaints about tyrants and vermin scurrying about in the White House Situation Room and the fast food mess, the executive restaurant run by McDonalds. Elsewhere, the presidential kitchen was reported to have been infested with authoritarian despots, while spineless yes men […]
Read More
Senate Republicans passed their first legislative achievement in nearly a year last night by a slim 51-49 margin. The major tax overhaul touted by President Trump as “big big savings for the plumbers, the carpenters, the cops, the teachers, the truck drivers, the pipe fitters. The people that like me best” was quickly pushed through […]
Read More
In a speech meant to promote the new GOP tax plan, President Trump clarified that he is, in fact, middle class. In his speech in St. Charles, Missouri, Trump claimed the tax plan, which will gouge the middle class while pouring money back into the pockets of the wealthy, would hurt his tax bracket. Trump […]
Read More
After a seemingly endless stream of high profile firings over sexual harassment accusations, many are starting to worry these may not be 200-300 isolated incidents. Matt Lauer’s dismissal from NBC is the latest in a long string of allegations leveled at men in positions of power. Lauer, like fellow news anchors Bill O’Reilly and Charlie Rose, […]
Read More