Breaking News:
Thursday, Nov 21, 2024
After pardoning them yesterday, President Trump demanded gratitude from turkeys Drumstick and Wishbone. The Presidential Turkey Pardon is an annual event held on the White House Rose Garden, in which the president offers clemency to a pair of lucky would be dinner centerpieces. Last year. Obama chose Tater and Tot, whose pardon Trump attempted to […]
Read More
Newly uncovered video reveals former sports broadcaster Leeann Tweeden calling two male guests ‘gay’ after watching them walk on their hands for an on air segment. The shocking footage calls to question the kind of behavior Tweeden deemed acceptable during her time as a sportcaster and comedian. The comment speaks to the culture in which […]
Read More
New research shows that men no longer serve a positive purpose for the human race. This comes after it has become increasingly clear that every male producer, actor, politician, teacher, lawyer, president, TV host, or other member of society is either a child molester, mass shooter, sexual predator, war monger, or just a complete moron. […]
Read More
With the increasing demand for superhero movies, Universal has finally created a movie where every single character has super powers. The new movie titled, “The Fantastic 5000”, features nearly every hero from the Marvel universe filling all roles no matter how big or small. “It was hard to come up with a script where every […]
Read More
Yesterday, NRA head Wayne LaPierre approved legislation to ban churches in the US. Although the bill still needs to pass the House and Senate, LaPierre’s go ahead eliminates of the greatest hurdle for congressional Republicans. This comes in the aftermath of the worst church shooting in US history which left 26 people dead, in Sutherland […]
Read More
A mass shooting rocked the small Texas town of Sutherland Springs this week as local residents were attending church. While the motive remains unclear, Republicans are certain that guns had nothing to do with the bullets that killed 25 people and an unborn baby. The second mass shooting in a little over a month has […]
Read More
White House Press Secretary and master bullshit artist Sarah Huckabee Sanders has talked her way out of yet another speeding ticket. According to police records, this would mark the 29th time the has talked her way out of a moving violation. In video captured by several police cameras, Huckabee Sanders was seen going over 100mph […]
Read More
President Trump’s recent pick as head scientist for the USDA has many farmers fearing for the stability of the US food supply. Sam Clovis is a far right radio host from Iowa with no qualifications for the position which requires expertise in science and agriculture. In fact, as a climate change denier, Clovis could radically […]
Read More
A recent poll found that very few people know who Adolf Hitler is because they are not constantly reminded of him by monuments in public parks and political grounds. This is startling affirmation of what many in the Trump administration have been saying about the removal of Confederate statues in the United States. Chief of […]
Read More
In an effort to revitalize their sagging careers, many former celebrities are turning to Fox News for renewed relevance. Over the years, B-actors and former stars have identified conservative talking points that can pull them from the shadows and back into the national spotlight. One of the most effective strategies has been a simple endorsement […]
Read More
Today, in a nationally televised display of bravado and impotence, President Trump declared opioids, “an emergency, and I am saying, officially, right now, it is an emergency. It’s a national emergency,” Whether he was lying or just confused is unclear, but White House officials later clarified that he had meant to say “public health emergency”. […]
Read More
Today, the Trump administration announced the president would not visit the Korean Demilitarized Zone(DMZ) on his upcoming trip to Asia, citing sudden bone spur inflammation. The bone spurs have plagued Trump for decades, preventing him from confronting danger for most of his life. Traditionally, US presidents have visited the DMZ as a symbolic gesture of […]
Read More
A recent Goldman Sachs analysis has found that not a single billionaire would end up a trillionaire if the Trump administration’s new proposed tax cut is approved. Billionaires across the country are outraged with the analysis and said they intend to fight it to their last billion. “We are honest folk who just want what’s […]
Read More
A recent New York Times article uncovered a $32 million payment made in 2016 by former Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly to settle a misunderstanding with a female coworker. This was the 6th known misunderstanding payment made by O’Reilly or Fox News on his behalf. Allegations made against O’Reilly have ranged from the women misunderstanding […]
Read More
A series of healthcare policies and a leaked memo have revealed the Trump administrations plan to end sex for pleasure by women. While the administration encourages the harassment and/or assault of women and the use of erectile medications, the question arises: who will they harass and have old man sex with? The White House is […]
Read More
Today, the White House kicked of the holiday season with its first inaugural baby eating competition. Although the unusual event has sparked controversy, president Trump shrugged off critics and proceeded with the contest at his Mar-a-Lago resort. Trump addressed the crowd before the starting bell, “No matter what I do, the fake news will always […]
Read More
In a bold address at an anti-LGBT event, president Trump stated his intention to end the long held persecution of Christmas. He affirmed that American’s will once again be able to openly declare “Merry Christmas!” without fear of government reprisal. The improvised speech was originally meant to discuss tax reform and promote Nazi values, but […]
Read More
After days of anticipation, Apple finally revealed its latest mobile device, the iLurk. This new “data acquisition device” comes on the heels of sagging sales for the iPhone 8 and appears almost exactly the same to the untrained observer. But on the inside is a complex sensor array that is able to observe the user […]
Read More
In a surprise appointment, President Trump introduced disgraced entertainment mogul Harvey Weinstein as the new head of the White House Council on Women and Girls. Although some may question Mr. Weinstein’s qualifications for a position, others feel his carnal knowledge of some of the most influential women in the world may prove him to be […]
Read More