NRA Pushes to Ban Churches

Yesterday, NRA head Wayne LaPierre approved legislation to ban churches in the US. Although the bill still needs to pass the House and Senate, LaPierre’s go ahead eliminates of the greatest hurdle for congressional Republicans.

This comes in the aftermath of the worst church shooting in US history which left 26 people dead, in Sutherland Springs Texas. The gunman, Devin P. Kelley, methodically walked through the church executing members huddled between the pews.

The NRA argues that the shooting would not have occurred if there were no churches in Sutherland Springs, Texas, or the rest of the United States. “This isn’t the first time there has been a church shooting,” LaPierre said in a statement, “and it won’t be the last unless we do something about it!”

“We were really worried he wouldn’t let us do anything, but this show’s the NRA is committed to helping us fight this problem.” House leader Paul Ryan stated, “If we can make sure that people don’t have access to churches, then we can prevent these kinds of senseless tragedies in the future.”

LaPierre had initially considered a law requiring pastors to carry light machine guns during their sermons, but some worried this would not be enough firepower to repel the increasingly destructive attacks.

“Everyone is trying to make this about eliminating guns, when it should be about eliminating public spaces,” LaPierre commented, “It’s no coincidence that these shootings are all happening at group gatherings. If people aren’t allowed to gather in public spaces, mass shooters are going to be hard pressed to kill more than 10 or 15 people before authorities catch or kill them.”