Breaking News:
Thursday, Nov 21, 2024
Due to the increased scrutiny over their email scandal, First Daughter Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner have begun searching for a fall guy should the investigation escalate. Through a lifetime of impunity, the couple has a well established procedure for avoiding accountability. Scapegoat interviews suggest they may have accepted that both denials and […]
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Last night, several internet sleuths discovered the Wikipedia entry of former President Barack Obama had mysteriously vanished from the online encyclopedia’s archive. At 5:35am, a user named “Trump45wins” logged into the community edited database and erased all information about the former president. This comes just days after Obama’s presidential portrait was defaced in the West […]
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After facing growing criticism for his extended silence following the death of four American servicemen in Niger, President Trump finally issued a statement from the White House lawn. Although he has remained highly engaged with Twitter battles, it has been eight days since a platoon of elite Green Berets were ambushed by ISIS affiliated fighters […]
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Despite the ban on imported goods from North Korea, evidence suggests China continues to import large quantities of seafood from the rogue nation. North Korea currently earns $300 million a year from their seafood trade with China, and Trump led sanctions seem to have had little effect. “You can’t get crabs anywhere close to the size […]
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In a surprising break from long held agency protocol, EPA head Scott Pruitt issued an arrest warrant for 90’s eco-hero Captain Planet. Although the circumstances surrounding the warrant have yet to be disclosed, Pruitt publicly declared Planet a “threat to American and current EPA policy.” Planet helmed a wildly popular children’s show in the 90’s […]
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MENDOCINO, CA — Under heavy criticism for tweeting while the world literally burns, Trump made an unscheduled trip to central California to visit victims of the worst wildfires in decades. Ten lives have already been lost as thousands of residents have been forced to flee their homes to escape the aggressive blaze which has already […]
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After losing their capital of Raqqa, ISIS made a surprising declaration of victory in the the most effective terrorist campaign of the modern era. As governments across the world sit on the edge of collapse, the terrorist organization claims it has succeeded in its goal to destabilize western democracy. “I think we did an excellent […]
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Vice President Mike Pence left many morning java lovers shocked when he stormed out of an LA Starbucks earlier today. After slamming the door, a barista noticed he had left his tall vanilla bean, extra milk, extra white, decaf behind. “We accidentally just gave him black coffee,” admitted the barista. “At first I thought it […]
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At a recent White House meeting between US military leaders and their spouses, President Trump sparked widespread speculation when he said, “The calm before the storm,” before a group photo was taken. Political leaders and press outlets scrambled to decode the meaning behind the ominous phrase as Trump failed to elaborate. He instead seemed confused […]
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“He hated it when you called him a moron. All morons hate it when you call them a moron.” – J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye Sometimes it’s the simplest of things that we find most fulfilling. This past week, it was a single word: “moron”. Donald Trump was reportedly furious when a report was released […]
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In the aftermath of the tragic mass shooting in Las Vegas that left 58 people dead, many lawmakers are now calling for stiffer gun control laws. House Speaker Paul Ryan(R-WI), who lives in an animal crate at NRA headquarters, spent several days awaiting instructions on how to manage the public outcry over the worst mass […]
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In a shocking escalation of his feud with Rex Tillerson, President Trump drew what appeared to be a penis on the forehead of his Secretary of State, before a nationally televised press conference. This comes on the heels of an NBC News article that claimed Tillerson had wanted to step down after coming to the […]
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After a hectic day of veiled insults and blunders in hurricane ravaged Puerto Rico, Congressional Republicans rushed through legislation that would muffle or suppress President Trump during public events. Much of America watched in horrific awe as the President bumbled through interviews and press conferences on his visit to San Juan, two weeks after the […]
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In a startling show of diplomacy, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has halted his nuclear weapons program in the wake of the tragic mass shooting in Las Vegas Sunday night, that left over 50 Americans dead. While some view this as progress towards an armistice between the US and the rogue nation, analysts believe […]
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In the immediate aftermath of the worst mass shooting in US history, Congressional Republicans responding by quickly passing a law allowing military grade landmines to be placed in playgrounds throughout the country. Though many are calling it a knee jerk reaction in a time of national mourning, Republicans argue it has been in works for […]
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In an act of presidential benevolence and empathy, President Trump today honored the victims of the Las Vegas shooting with his new gold watch. This comes on the heels of the worst mass shooting in US history where at least 58 people lost their lives at a concert in Las Vegas. The perpetrator was believed […]
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Spanish Government Places Beds and Couches in Public to Encourage Napping During Vote As tensions rise in Barcelona, the Spanish government has littered the streets with thousands of mattresses, couches, and eye masks in the hopes that Catalan protesters will sleep through a secession vote which Madrid deems illegal. Spaniards, famous for their midday “siestas”, […]
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Conservative News Network Struggles to Find Positive Spin Known for its conservative lean, Fox News has seen its ratings dive as President Trump and his White House have become increasingly difficult to report in a positive light. Producers say they have tried to promote other stories or simply not cover the President, but viewers seem […]
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White House Explains the Complexity of Recovering Balls Lost in Water Hazards Golfing one of his all-time worst games this week, President Trump ordered caddies to recover several balls that he had hit into various lakes and streams on his Bedminster, NJ club, instead of taking a stroke penalty. Irritated by the “fake news” stories […]
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