Trump Honors US Soldiers Not Killed or Captured in Niger

After facing growing criticism for his extended silence following the death of four American servicemen in Niger, President Trump finally issued a statement from the White House lawn. Although he has remained highly engaged with Twitter battles, it has been eight days since a platoon of elite Green Berets were ambushed by ISIS affiliated fighters in the northern African nation.

During the improvised statement, Trump congratulated the survivors, told them to “have fun”, thanked the first responders, and bit into a raw onion.

Trump also made it clear he had not been briefed on the details of the attack. “We are gonna hunt these Niger’s down with the full might of the US military. No one knows how to get rid of a Niger like I do,” the President said between bites of the onion, “I built these gorgeous, huge apartment buildings in New York that they’d always try to get into–,” at which point Chief of Staff John Kelly abruptly cut him off and had him escorted back into the Oval Office.

Trump, a fervent supporter of patriotism and military servicemen that do not get killed or captured, continued to honor the survivors by sitting and talking through the nightly flag lowering and playing of “Retreat” during a Fox News broadcast. Although military personnel traditionally stand for the song meant to honor fallen soldiers, Trump sat because he was trying to get a penguin out of a snow globe.

Ironically, the two-time draft dodger has become the most outspoken advocate for military honor and respect. This caused many to wonder why it took so long for Trump to address the ambush. Trump was hypercritical of President Obama and Hillary Clinton for their slow response to the 2009 Benghazi attacks in Libya that left 5 people dead.

Trump made no mention of the four servicemen who were killed.