Kim Jong Un Shelves Nukes and Waits For Americans to Kill Themselves

In a startling show of diplomacy, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has halted his nuclear weapons program in the wake of the tragic mass shooting in Las Vegas Sunday night, that left over 50 Americans dead. While some view this as progress towards an armistice between the US and the rogue nation, analysts believe Kim has more devious intentions.

“I think he simply crunched the numbers,” says intelligence advisor Brett Akerman. “With shrinking population growth and the exponential rise in violent gun deaths, Kim realized US population numbers aren’t sustainable. I think he figured Americans will eventually kill themselves off and he won’t have to get his hands dirty.”

This comes on the heels of a virulent sandbox fight between Kim and President Trump. Both leaders have engaged in vicious name calling over the past two weeks including “rocketman”, “dotard”, “bad bad guy”, “mean mean person”, and “little little man”.

As the situation intensified, Trump briefed his Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, on Twitter. He instructed him to halt talks because negotiations with North Korea were a “waste of time”. Tillerson signed up for Twitter and responded with a “sad face emoji”.

In the meantime, North Korean sanctions are stalled as Congress plans to begin several months arguing about gun control until another mass shooting makes it an inappropriate time to continue the discussion.

“Over that three or four month period, Americans will kill more Americans than were killed by any foreign enemy since World War II.” Akerman continued. “It’s actually a brilliant strategy.”