MINNEAPOLIS, MN — In an effort to strike a “reasonable middle ground” between the First Amendment and staying alive, the Department of Justice on Monday encouraged Americans to conduct all future ICE protests quietly, indoors, and preferably alone, noting that public dissent has recently become “confusingly lethal.”
The new guidance follows a series of ICE operations in Minnesota that ended with federal agents killing civilians, then explaining afterward that everything would have gone smoothly if the civilians had simply not been present or visible. DOJ officials stressed that protest is still technically legal, so long as it is performed silently in one’s own home and does not involve leaving the couch, raising one’s voice, or possessing a body that could be mistaken for a threat.
“Americans are absolutely free to protest,” said one ICE head Greg Bovino, clarifying that freedom currently extends to whispering disapproval into a pillow, journaling grievances, or briefly furrowing one’s brow during approved commercial breaks. “We just ask that protesters avoid standing near federal agents, looking at federal agents, filming federal agents, or existing in a way that could escalate the situation.”
The recommendation comes amid mounting outrage over ICE killings in Minneapolis, where residents learned that being a bystander, a protester, or occasionally just nearby now carries the same risk profile as lunging at officers with a deadly weapon. Federal officials defended the shootings as “tragic but unavoidable,” adding that the safest course of action would have been for the victims to remain home indefinitely.
To help Americans protest safely, DOJ released a list of approved alternatives, including silent meditation, internal screaming, and “imagining accountability very vividly.” Digital protests were also encouraged, provided participants do not tag government accounts, use harsh language, or log on at times when agents might feel stressed.
Asked what citizens should do if ICE kicks in their door without a warrant anyway, officials advised remaining calm, compliant, and ideally incorporeal.
“Democracy is fragile,” Bovino added. “And frankly, so are you.”
Civil liberties groups responded by reminding Americans that the Constitution technically protects the right to assemble, though DOJ officials clarified that this protection was written “before both sides had guns.”
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