GILROY, CA — As disturbing images of the mass shooting at the Gilroy Garlic Festival circulate social media, Republican leadership is demanding an investigation into the link between garlic consumption and gun violence. After a gunman opened fire at the annual event, killing 3 and injuring 12, many in the GOP are questioning what role […]
Read MoreMonth: July 2019
Trump Advisors Urge Him to Degrade More White People
WASHINGTON, DC — In the aftermath of his racist attacks on Elijah Cummings and his majority black district in Baltimore, White House advisors are stepping in to urge President Trump to insult more white people. Over the past month, Trump has leveled numerous vicious attacks on people of color, using terms like ‘infested’ and ‘crime-ridden’ […]
Read MoreRussian Operative in Loose-Fitting Skin Suit Defeats Election Security
WASHINGTON, DC — In a surprise move that pushed the limits of his cover, Russian operative Mitkh Mikkonilov was able to single-handedly defeat two election security bills that were brought before the Senate. Familiarly known by his cover identity, Mitch McConnell, Mikkonilov has quietly climbed the political ranks to become the Senate Majority Leader. During […]
Read MoreBoris Johnson Lays Out Detailed Plan of Excuses for His Future Brexit Failure
LONDON, UK — Newly appointed UK Prime Minster Boris Johnson has already begun work on a plan to explain why he was unable to oversee a successful Brexit. While many in Parliament had hoped the father of Brexit would come with a detailed solution to the complexities of leaving the EU, Johnson instead ordered his […]
Read MoreFourth of July Celebration to Feature Tanks Rolling Over Protesters
WASHINGTON, DC — President Trump has demanded that this years Fourth of July celebration include military tanks crushing protestors who stand in their path. What started as a “non-partisan” parade to celebrate America, has quickly turned into a day to pay tribute to a president with sagging approval ratings. Many in Washington were opposed to […]
Read MoreNew Press Secretary Eager to Start Not Doing Her Job
WASHINGTON, DC — Today, newly appointed White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham, said she is excited to fill the empty press podium left by outgoing secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Sanders, who did not held a formal press briefing in her final 100 days in office, said she expects Grisham to do an excellent job doing […]
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