SpaceX IPO Earns Musk Earns Title of Poorest Excuse for a Human Being on June 12, 2026 Posted by Sameer Wallace
FIFA Shocked to Learn International Fans Unwilling to Spend $4,000 to Be Harassed for Their Papers on June 10, 2026 Posted by Sameer Wallace
RFK Jr. Defends Snacking on Buckets of Screwworms During CDC Briefing on June 8, 2026 Posted by Samantha White
Trump Moves NBA Finals to White House Court So He Doesn’t Have to Leave Couch on June 5, 2026 Posted by Sameer Wallace
FBI Raids Georgia Election Office After Anonymous Tip From Guy Who “Knows More About Elections Than Anyone”
Trump Administration Removes Thousands of Hardened Criminals From Minnesota, Will Redeploy Them in Other Blue Cities
DOJ Recommends Americans Protest Quietly at Home to Minimize Risk of Execution(Unless ICE Kicks in the Door Without a Warrant)
Jack Smith Says Evidence Against Donald Trump So Extensive It May Need to Be Stored in a 90,000-Square-Foot Ballroom
Minnesota Labeled ‘Hostile Territory’ After Residents Demand Not to Be Executed by Masked Federal Agents
White House Unsure If Giving Misogynistic Internet Trolls With Micropenises Assault Rifles and Limitless Power Was “Strategically Sound”
Sources Say Trump Considering Nicki Minaj as New Fed Chair Because She ‘Talks Tough’ and ‘Knows Money’
Poll Finds Americans Aligned With Trump on Nation’s Biggest Concern: His Ballroom’s Gold-to-Marble Ratio
Americans Gather to Celebrate January 6th Holiday with Festive Window Smashing, Screaming at Paintings, and Annual Beating of Law Enforcement Officers with a Flag Pole
Tim Walz to Exit Politics Amid Controversy; Republicans Seek Out Candidate Controversial Enough to Take His Place
