New Iran Deal Allows Tankers to Round Up Toll Fees to Support Local Warlords on June 15, 2026 Posted by Rachel Ortega
SpaceX IPO Earns Musk Earns Title of Poorest Excuse for a Human Being on June 12, 2026 Posted by Sameer Wallace
FIFA Shocked to Learn International Fans Unwilling to Spend $4,000 to Be Harassed for Their Papers on June 10, 2026 Posted by Sameer Wallace
RFK Jr. Defends Snacking on Buckets of Screwworms During CDC Briefing on June 8, 2026 Posted by Samantha White
DOJ Recommends Americans Protest Quietly at Home to Minimize Risk of Execution(Unless ICE Kicks in the Door Without a Warrant)
Jack Smith Says Evidence Against Donald Trump So Extensive It May Need to Be Stored in a 90,000-Square-Foot Ballroom
World’s Billionaires Retreat to Heavily Guarded Alpine Fortress to Ask Why Everything Feels So Divided
Minnesota Labeled ‘Hostile Territory’ After Residents Demand Not to Be Executed by Masked Federal Agents
White House Unsure If Giving Misogynistic Internet Trolls With Micropenises Assault Rifles and Limitless Power Was “Strategically Sound”
Sources Say Trump Considering Nicki Minaj as New Fed Chair Because She ‘Talks Tough’ and ‘Knows Money’
Trump Praises Anti-Authoritarian Protests Overseas, Reminds Americans That Protesting at Home is Punishable by Death
Poll Finds Americans Aligned With Trump on Nation’s Biggest Concern: His Ballroom’s Gold-to-Marble Ratio
Trump Cites Time-Honored American Tradition of Stealing Land from Native People as Justification for Greenland Takeover
Americans Gather to Celebrate January 6th Holiday with Festive Window Smashing, Screaming at Paintings, and Annual Beating of Law Enforcement Officers with a Flag Pole
