DAVOS, SWITZERLAND — After every peaceful nation declined to participate, President Trump announced this week that the international “Board of Peace” would be rebranded as the “Bored of Peace,” saying its current members had grown “restless, irritable, and frankly tired of all the calm.”
According to Trump, the board, made up of representatives from Argentina, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Belarus, Egypt, Hungary, Indonesia, Israel, Kosovo, Kazakhstan, Jordan, Morocco, Pakistan, Paraguay, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Uzbekistan, and Vietnam(with standing invites to Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea), had demonstrated a “clear and consistent enthusiasm for conflict-adjacent activities” that made the original name misleading.
“These are very tough countries,” Trump said while unveiling a new gold-plated logo featuring a dove yawning. “A lot of history, a lot of tension, a lot of uniforms. You think they want peace forever? They’re bored. They’re bored of peace. They’ve tried it. Didn’t love it.”
Insiders say recent board meetings devolved into members sighing loudly whenever ceasefires were mentioned and rolling their eyes at words like “stability,” “dialogue,” and “long-term solutions.” One anonymous delegate reportedly asked whether a “small, symbolic conflict” could be scheduled just to “shake things up a bit.”
Critics were quick to note that many board members already juggle internal unrest, regional rivalries, or robust arms industries, making their appointment to a peace body feel less like irony and more like performance art. “It’s like starting a vegan council chaired by butchers,” said one former diplomat. “Eventually someone’s going to ask where the steaks are.”
Trump dismissed concerns, arguing the honesty was refreshing. “At least now the name matches the energy,” he said. “Nobody’s pretending. They’re bored. They want excitement. Maybe a little chaos. Who doesn’t?”
The White House confirmed the board’s next summit will focus on “redefining peace as a brief intermission between more interesting things.”
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