Cabinet Vacancies Soar with No Unskilled Workers

WASHINGTON, DC — In an ironic twist of fate, President Trump’s own immigration policy is leading to mass vacancies in his administration. After over two years in office, over 40% of the administration’s key leadership positions remain unfilled. Historically, immigrant laborers have been used to fill positions no American will take, but because of his hardline policies, fewer unskilled workers are available to fill vacant high level cabinet positions in Washington.

Making matter worse, the uptick in firings and public shaming of former administration officials has made qualified replacements scoff at offers from the White House. Although qualifications have not been of paramount importance to the Trump administration, the Democratic controlled House has made it increasingly difficult for the president to push through his increasingly incompetent nominees.

Several refugees in migrant camps along the Mexican border have expressed interest in the cabinet positions, many of whom are more highly qualified than the presidents short-list of nominees by virtue of having had jobs before.

“I’m not really sure what cabinet members do,” said Miguel Pastora, a Honduran farmer, “But people tell me you just fly around in private jets and get free vacations. Then you get fired and host a TV show.”

Although Trump recently said “America is full“, the White House is a virtual ghost town as the president continues to cut staff to assign blame for policy failure and prevent leaks. One insider claimed most staffers feel the best way to keep their jobs is to not do them at all.

In the meantime, it appears the president will be unable to fill the many vacancies without outsourcing some of the positions as he did with his wives and various country clubs. A handful of optimistic observers said the situation may help the president understand the importance of foreign workers, but added they only meant it jokingly.