LOS ANGELES, CA — In his latest film, legendary actor and director Clint Eastwood takes on subject matter he has only examined three times before in his three most recent films. A stark contrast from films made many years ago by different directors, Eastwood’s latest masterwork takes an unflinching look at the life of a […]
Read MoreMonth: December 2018
French Police Defend Use of Braised Shallots in White Wine Reduction Gas on Protestors
PARIS, FRANCE — As clashes between protestors and French police continue, some are calling to question the suppression tactics being employed as images surface of protestors being beaten by stale baguette and dusted by weaponized pepper mills. During the recent “yellow vest” protests, multiple outlets report the use of extremely brutal tactics, by French standards, […]
Read MoreJohn Kelly’s Testicles Hung in White House Entrance as Warning to All Future Chiefs of Staff
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the rumored dismissal of one of the longest tenured and most stable members of the Trump administration draws near, many in the White House wonder what impact John Kelly’s departure will have on the presidency and who will fill his shoes. As an ominous warning to any future Chiefs of Staff […]
Read MoreGeorge and Kellyanne Conway Sex Strike Enters 627th Day
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Nearly two years have past since Republican power couple Kellyanne and George Conway began their mutually agreed upon sex strike and sources say there are no signs of an end in sight. Married in 2001, the couple has been at odds with one another since George, a prominent GOP lawyer, first vocalized […]
Read MoreGeorge H.W. Bush Grateful He Lived to See His Son Become Not the Worst President
HOUSTON, TX — As honors and memorials continue to pour in following the death of the 41st president of the United States, many insiders claim George H.W. Bush’s proudest moment came when he was certain that his son, George W. Bush, would no longer be remembered as the worst president in US history. Though it […]
Read MoreAt G20 Closing Dance, Trump Stands Alone Sipping Diet Coke
BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA — As the G20 Summit draws to a close, the closing dance often generates the most excitement among the leaders of the world’s twenty most powerful nations. With no scheduled meetings, dignitaries are free to mingle and chat without an agenda or time crunch while snacking on an international cultural buffet and […]
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