Breaking News:
Wednesday, Dec 4, 2024
Amid public outcry, Amazon was forced to remove a supremacist Halloween costume from their online store. Sales of the item had been lagging because of confusion over the contents of the package. The 5-piece set came with the modern Nazi uniform of khaki pleated pants, a red MAGA hat, a white collared shirt, a backyard […]
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Vice President Mike Pence left many morning java lovers shocked when he stormed out of an LA Starbucks earlier today. After slamming the door, a barista noticed he had left his tall vanilla bean, extra milk, extra white, decaf behind. “We accidentally just gave him black coffee,” admitted the barista. “At first I thought it […]
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On Sunday morning, President Trump escalated his feud with Senator Bob Corker (R-TN) in a tweet flurry from his Virginia golf course. Since taking office, this marks his his 66th day (25% of all days) at a golf course while the world descends into chaos. Corker has been a very vocal critic of Trump and told […]
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At a recent White House meeting between US military leaders and their spouses, President Trump sparked widespread speculation when he said, “The calm before the storm,” before a group photo was taken. Political leaders and press outlets scrambled to decode the meaning behind the ominous phrase as Trump failed to elaborate. He instead seemed confused […]
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“He hated it when you called him a moron. All morons hate it when you call them a moron.” – J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye Sometimes it’s the simplest of things that we find most fulfilling. This past week, it was a single word: “moron”. Donald Trump was reportedly furious when a report was released […]
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New data reveals that Hurricane Harvey was much more grievous than previously believed. The hurricane was the worst such storm to hit the US in 12 years, leaving behind a path of destruction and $71 billion dollars in damages. But new research suggests that Harvey was much more sinister than scientists had imagined. Shockingly, scientists […]
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Tired of constantly ushering staff members and administrators out the revolving door in the West Wing, President Trump has installed a trap door in the floor in front of his desk in the Oval Office. Triggered by a button above his drawer, the door opens into a deep, dark tube beneath the carpet. While it […]
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Amid rising furor over his degrading comments to a female reporter, Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton offered a public apology and a grab of the pussy to the reporter and his fans. These words are similar to words used by then candidate Donald Trump in audio unearthed during the presidential campaign in which he said, […]
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In the aftermath of the tragic mass shooting in Las Vegas that left 58 people dead, many lawmakers are now calling for stiffer gun control laws. House Speaker Paul Ryan(R-WI), who lives in an animal crate at NRA headquarters, spent several days awaiting instructions on how to manage the public outcry over the worst mass […]
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In a shocking escalation of his feud with Rex Tillerson, President Trump drew what appeared to be a penis on the forehead of his Secretary of State, before a nationally televised press conference. This comes on the heels of an NBC News article that claimed Tillerson had wanted to step down after coming to the […]
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After it was reported that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a ‘moron’, the embattled former Exxon CEO released a firm statement not denying the report. Earlier today, NBC News released a story claiming the relationship between Tillerson and Trump has grown so tense that Vice President Mike Pence had to step in and convince […]
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After a hectic day of veiled insults and blunders in hurricane ravaged Puerto Rico, Congressional Republicans rushed through legislation that would muffle or suppress President Trump during public events. Much of America watched in horrific awe as the President bumbled through interviews and press conferences on his visit to San Juan, two weeks after the […]
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In a startling show of diplomacy, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has halted his nuclear weapons program in the wake of the tragic mass shooting in Las Vegas Sunday night, that left over 50 Americans dead. While some view this as progress towards an armistice between the US and the rogue nation, analysts believe […]
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In the immediate aftermath of the worst mass shooting in US history, Congressional Republicans responding by quickly passing a law allowing military grade landmines to be placed in playgrounds throughout the country. Though many are calling it a knee jerk reaction in a time of national mourning, Republicans argue it has been in works for […]
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In response to a reported alarming rise in nun on nun violence, Republican members of Congress have vowed to introduce legislation to curb their nasty “habit”. Although only recently revealed to be a major agenda item, GOP leaders claim nuns have been rapping knuckles with increased frequency and ferocity since mid-century. Many opponents to the […]
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In an act of presidential benevolence and empathy, President Trump today honored the victims of the Las Vegas shooting with his new gold watch. This comes on the heels of the worst mass shooting in US history where at least 58 people lost their lives at a concert in Las Vegas. The perpetrator was believed […]
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White House Officials Worry They Are Doing it All Wrong After a very tumultuous week for the President, aides have attempted to undo some of his many miscalculations and off color comments by attempting to realign the reality star turned commander-in-chief. Starting with a Twitter war with NFL players and disparaging comments about the Mayor […]
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Spanish Government Places Beds and Couches in Public to Encourage Napping During Vote As tensions rise in Barcelona, the Spanish government has littered the streets with thousands of mattresses, couches, and eye masks in the hopes that Catalan protesters will sleep through a secession vote which Madrid deems illegal. Spaniards, famous for their midday “siestas”, […]
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Conservative News Network Struggles to Find Positive Spin Known for its conservative lean, Fox News has seen its ratings dive as President Trump and his White House have become increasingly difficult to report in a positive light. Producers say they have tried to promote other stories or simply not cover the President, but viewers seem […]
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