WASHINGTON, DC —Speaking from a podium flanked by American flags and an unusually large portrait of himself, President Trump on Tuesday applauded anti-authoritarian protesters in Iran for their “beautiful courage,” while reminding Americans that protesting domestically is “very different, very illegal, and in many cases, punishable by death.”
“Look at them,” Trump said, gesturing vaguely at an upside-down map he appeared to believe was the Middle East and “one of the other problem countries.” “They’re standing up to tyranny. They’re fighting for freedom. Tremendous people. Really inspiring. Everyone agrees.” He then paused to clarify that the admiration applied exclusively to protesters located thousands of miles away and in countries with oil he’d like to sell. “When it’s over there, it’s heroic. When it’s here, it’s an insurrection,” he added.
White House aides later confirmed that the administration’s official stance is that protesting authoritarianism is a fundamental human right, provided it is directed at a foreign government and does not inconvenience traffic, disrupt commerce, or involve Americans expressing dissatisfaction with their own leadership. “The president supports free expression,” said DHS Secretary Kristi Noem. “He just believes freedom should be expressed quietly, privately, and preferably non-verbally.”
Trump went on to praise Iranian protesters for their “discipline” and “respect,” noting that many of them were being beaten or arrested by their governments. “That’s how you know it’s real,” he explained. “Very strong response. We like strong.” When asked why similar treatment should be applied to American protesters, Trump nodded. “Exactly. That’s what I’ve been saying.”
The president also unveiled what he called a “simple, common-sense rule”: protests are allowed if they oppose regimes Trump has criticized on cable news, but are strictly forbidden if they oppose him, his policies, or the design choices in his latest renovation projects. “You can’t just let people complain,” Trump said. “That’s chaos. That’s not democracy. That’s disrespect.”
Civil liberties groups expressed concern, while Trump dismissed criticism as “very unpatriotic whining.” He concluded the remarks by encouraging Americans to support freedom abroad by retweeting videos of foreign protests, adding, “It’s the safest way to protest, no consequences at all.”
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