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Infernal Heat Forces Both Great American State Fair Attendees to Head Home

Infernal Heat Forces Both Great American State Fair Attendees to Head Home

on July 3, 2026July 3, 2026
Posted by Samantha White
Corporate Donors Warn Mamdani Sweep Could Set Dangerous Precedent of Government Helping People

Corporate Donors Warn Mamdani Sweep Could Set Dangerous Precedent of Government Helping People

on June 24, 2026
Posted by Charlie Tread
White House Unveils New Plan to Refill Reflecting Pool with More Loyal Water

White House Unveils New Plan to Refill Reflecting Pool with More Loyal Water

on June 23, 2026
Posted by Samantha White
RFK Jr. Spotted Molting in Reflecting Pool Swamp

RFK Jr. Spotted Molting in Reflecting Pool Swamp

on June 16, 2026
Posted by Samantha White
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Global Leaders Concerned as Trump Spends Entirety of Trade Summit Trying to Sell Xi Limited Edition High-Tops

Global Leaders Concerned as Trump Spends Entirety of Trade Summit Trying to Sell Xi Limited Edition High-Tops

Reflecting Pool Converted Into Trump-Branded Pickleball Complex

Reflecting Pool Converted Into Trump-Branded Pickleball Complex

Exhausted Public Collectively Agrees It Doesn’t Have Time to Give a Shit About Hantavirus

Exhausted Public Collectively Agrees It Doesn’t Have Time to Give a Shit About Hantavirus

REPORT: Kash Patel Wanted FBI Tactical Gear to Include Beer Helmets

REPORT: Kash Patel Wanted FBI Tactical Gear to Include Beer Helmets

Republicans Demand Immediate Investigation Into Suspicious Surge of People Voting Against Them

Republicans Demand Immediate Investigation Into Suspicious Surge of People Voting Against Them

NBA Announces Knicks Games Will Now Carry Graphic Content Warnings

NBA Announces Knicks Games Will Now Carry Graphic Content Warnings

Rubio Discovered Wearing Habit Trying to Disappear into Vatican

Rubio Discovered Wearing Habit Trying to Disappear into Vatican

Bored Trump Asks Handlers When Visiting Schoolchildren Will be Thrown into the Octagon

Bored Trump Asks Handlers When Visiting Schoolchildren Will be Thrown into the Octagon

Amazon Sponsors Met Gala, Suggests Cheaper, Worse Version of Every Outfit

Amazon Sponsors Met Gala, Suggests Cheaper, Worse Version of Every Outfit

Trump Nominates Fox News Sound Guy as Commander of U.S. Strategic Command

Trump Nominates Fox News Sound Guy as Commander of U.S. Strategic Command

Erika Kirk Pulls Off Daring Mid-Heist Podcast

Erika Kirk Pulls Off Daring Mid-Heist Podcast

DOJ Charges Comey With Look-Maxxing to Make Presidential Jawline Appear Weak

DOJ Charges Comey With Look-Maxxing to Make Presidential Jawline Appear Weak

Tim Cook to Be Replaced by Near-Identical, More Expensive CEO with a Nicer Camera

Tim Cook to Be Replaced by Near-Identical, More Expensive CEO with a Nicer Camera

“No More Mr. Nice Guy” Trump Sternly Declares In Ruffled Pink “Mrs. Nice Guy” Dress

“No More Mr. Nice Guy” Trump Sternly Declares In Ruffled Pink “Mrs. Nice Guy” Dress

Palantir Claims Domestic Surveillance is Only Aimed at Finding Future Resistance Leader Who Keeps Sending Back Time-Traveling Soldiers to Disrupt Company Operations

Palantir Claims Domestic Surveillance is Only Aimed at Finding Future Resistance Leader Who Keeps Sending Back Time-Traveling Soldiers to Disrupt Company Operations

Visibly Intoxicated Patel Spotted Serving Cease-and-Desist Order to Eastern Seaboard

Visibly Intoxicated Patel Spotted Serving Cease-and-Desist Order to Eastern Seaboard

Hegseth Maintains Batusi at White House Pancake Breakfast Was Compelled by the Holy Spirit

Hegseth Maintains Batusi at White House Pancake Breakfast Was Compelled by the Holy Spirit

White House Spiritual Advisor Channeling Demonic Entity to Fight the Pope Confident She’s On the Good Side of This Whole Thing

White House Spiritual Advisor Channeling Demonic Entity to Fight the Pope Confident She’s On the Good Side of This Whole Thing

Ukraine Asks Vance to Endorse Russia’s War Efforts

Ukraine Asks Vance to Endorse Russia’s War Efforts

Coachella Attendees Report Deeper Emotional Connection to Their Own Faces Than to Any Artist on Stage

Coachella Attendees Report Deeper Emotional Connection to Their Own Faces Than to Any Artist on Stage

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  • Infernal Heat Forces Both Great American State Fair Attendees to Head Home
  • Corporate Donors Warn Mamdani Sweep Could Set Dangerous Precedent of Government Helping People
  • White House Unveils New Plan to Refill Reflecting Pool with More Loyal Water

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