Philly Celebrates Superbowl Win by Burning Philly to the Ground

After decades of fruitless attempts, the Philadelphia Eagles brought home their first ever Superbowl Championship by upsetting the heavily favored New England Patriots in Superbowl LII.

To celebrate the unprecedented victory, Philadelphia citizens took to the streets and destroyed the “City of Brotherly Love” in a show of unbridled enthusiasm and kinship.

Long known as the most rambunctious football fans, the Eagles faithful poured into city centers to smash and burn cars and local businesses while singing their teams fight song, “Fly Eagles, Fly!”

Notorious for having a functioning courthouse below their previous stadium to manage to rowdy fans, Eagles fans are more familiar with despair than jubilation.

Local teacher, Randy Carrington, spoke through tears, “It’s been a long time coming, but this beautiful city deserves this win,” he said while dousing a couch with gasoline, “We’re a working class town with a working class team. We can finally hold our heads up with pride.”