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Netflix–WBD Assumes Total Control of Hollywood, Appoints Algorithm as Supreme Showrunner

FDA Raids Deli Suspected of Repurposing Leftover Mar-a-Lago Faces as “Premium Prosciutto”

NCAA Denies SEC Favoritism, Says It Just Happens That Alabama Is Always “America’s Chosen Son”

US to Ban Travel From Countries Ending in ‘Stan’, Declare War on Countries Containing a Z or Q

Eli Manning Hired as Ole Miss Head Coach, Promises to Bring “That Same Confused Calm” to the Sidelines

White House Black Friday Sale: HUGE Savings on Pardons, Bribes, and Cabinet Seats

Melania Unveils This Years White House Christmas Decor: A Bare, Cold Corridor Symbolizing the Emptiness of the Human Soul

Frothing Hegseth Claims Only Way to Prevent Future Wars Is to “Start Them All Right Now!”

Turkey Pardoned by Trump Arrested for Soliciting Underage Chicks

Polls Show Mamdani Most Popular Among Renters, Cyclists, and People Who’ve Yelled “I’m Walkin’ Here!” in the Last Month

Coast Guard Classifies ‘Mom’ Tattoos as Emotionally Compromised Nautical Extremism

White House Says New Pipeline Through Endangered Species Refuge Will Have Minimal Impact on “Animals That Can Run Fast”

Shredder, Mr. Clean, and Anthropomorphic Sharpie Observed Outside DoJ as Epstein Review Begins

Executive Order Establishes National Registry of Sex Offenders in Need of Presidential Pardons

Entire Global Economy Reportedly Running on One Overheating Nvidia GPU and AI Models Feeding on Reddit Slop

MBS Gifts Trump a “Journalist Grade” Bone Saw on First Visit to US Since Khashoggi Murder

Hated by Liberals for Years, Marjorie Taylor Greene Suddenly Needs Security After Being Hated by MAGA for a Day

White House Unveils New Economic Plan: Read All Charts Upside Down

Trump Calls for Release of Both Pages of the Epstein File That Don’t Mention His Name

Disney+ Unveils $89 ‘Ad-Free, Content-Free’ Subscription Tier for Subscribers Who Forgot to Cancel