A series of healthcare policies and a leaked memo have revealed the Trump administrations plan to end sex for pleasure by women. While the administration encourages the harassment and/or assault of women and the use of erectile medications, the question arises: who will they harass and have old man sex with?

The White House is still struggling with this paradox and plan to announce a solution early next week. In the meantime, president Trump has cut government funding for female contraceptive measures, while also attempting to shorten the term within which women can terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

When asked if medications for erectile dysfunction will also be discussed, Trump replied, “It hasn’t come up,” and began snickering with HHS director Eric Hargan, a lawyer who has no idea why he is running HHS.

“We don’t want women to suffer,” said Hargan who took over for Tom Price after he was forced to resign, “We just want them to stop having sex unless they are planning to procreate.”

In place of sex education and contraception, the Trump administration plans to teach abstinence and the rhythm method. The latter is a form of birth control used after a “woman has had her blood”, which recommends that she only have sex based on her menstrual cycle.

While many forms of medical contraception are over 99% effective(IUD), the rhythm method is only 75% effective, causing many to believe it will lead to an increase in unwanted pregnancies. But the Trump administration argues, abstinence is 100% effective.

Some believe this new “war on female sex” will lead to less sex in general. When asked how men will have sex if women are only active when trying to have a child, both Trump and Harland stopped giggling and stared at each other dumbfounded.