BURBANK, CA — To manage their sagging subscriber numbers, DisneyPlus has announced a brand-new $89 monthly tier designed exclusively for subscribers who forgot to cancel but continue paying out of sheer inertia. The tier, officially named DisneyMinus™, offers absolutely no content, no ads, no menus, no thumbnails, and no risk of someone accidentally watching something.
After ongoing complaints about the ever increasing pricing tiers at DisneyPlus, with the highest nearing $200/year, Disney executives decided to offer a more economical tier their most passive viewers.
“We listened to our users,” a Disney spokesperson explained while standing in front of a blank TV screen, which he described as “the future of passive engagement.” “Many subscribers told us they never watch anything but keep the subscription because they feel guilty, forgetful, or overwhelmed. So we thought, why not optimize the experience around that?”
Under DisneyMinus™, users are greeted with an elegant, featureless interface: nothing loads, nothing scrolls, and nothing plays. Instead, the platform displays a tasteful message that reads, ‘Thank you for your ongoing loyalty, whether intentional or not.’
Disney executives say this tier provides “a frictionless entertainment experience,” noting that the average customer spends more time searching for something to watch than actually watching anything. “We’ve removed that burden,” said Chief Content Strategist Lila Margin. “Now, instead of spending 40 minutes browsing and giving up, you simply give up immediately.”
Financial experts estimate DisneyMinus™ could generate billions annually by appealing to a demographic Disney calls “The Forgetters” millions of Americans who will eventually notice the charge on their credit card, shrug, and think, Yeah… I should cancel that… someday.
Meanwhile, Netflix responded with its own announcement: a competing tier that charges $99 a month to show users a spinning buffer wheel and nothing else.
