A mass shooting rocked the small Texas town of Sutherland Springs this week as local residents were attending church. While the motive remains unclear, Republicans are certain that guns had nothing to do with the bullets that killed 25 people and an unborn baby. The second mass shooting in a little over a month has led to a massive outpouring of thoughts and prayers for the friends and family of the victims.

“I thought about them today,” Vice President Mike Pence said from church, “And I would pray harder, but nobody prays harder than Pence. Nobody.”

When searching for blame, terrorism has always been the GOP’s top choice because not only does it move the conversation away from assault rifles, but it also fires up their base and promotes xenophobia. Unfortunately, investigators have not found a single mention of “ISIS” or the “Quran” anywhere on the gunman’s social media or digital correspondence.

“A lot of  people are looking at him and assume he’s just a church going white guy, but I personally think the beard is pretty terroristy,” said House Leader Paul Ryan, “Couldn’t you see him shooting up a church in a hijab? Then we could take action.”

President Trump initially blamed mental illness, before realizing he had lifted an Obama era mental health requirement for purchasing guns. He then offered comments similar to those after the Las Vegas shooting, saying it was too early to politicize and guns were not to blame. This contrasts sharply with his immediate action and politicization of last weeks terror attack in New York.

“If the guy had just written ‘Allah’ ONCE on Facebook, we could have justified spending billions more on defense, the wall, and banned entire countries from entering the US,” Ryan continued, “But he’s just crazy, so all we can do is pray.”