Breaking News:
Friday, Apr 19, 2024
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the past weeks, President Trump has become increasingly concerned with the ongoing Mueller investigation, often questioning the loyalty of even his closest advisors. Numerous reports have surfaced alleging the president has been speaking with top aides about the scope of his presidential pardon powers. Insiders claim the president became “obsessed” when […]
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LOS ANGELES, CA — After recently being outed for traveling inside a large suitcase to avoid paparazzi, Taylor Swift has become more forthcoming about her strange travel habit. On several recent flights, the megastar has unzipped herself from her travel sack and continued her trips from the luggage bin. As a result, an increasing number […]
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JUAREZ, MEXICO – When Carla Martinez decided to cross into El Paso Texas with her two children, she was seeking an opportunity for higher paying work. They packed up a backpack and filled two jugs of water and waded into the Rio Grande. In the late hours of the night, they were intercepted by six […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — For weeks, an ongoing mystery has been baffling White House staffers. Every few days, President Trump’s crayon box has had to be replaced because countless colors have gone missing. This has reportedly infuriated the President, who has become increasingly suspicious of his staff, and disrupted work on his biographical coloring book. “The […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an apparent victory lap after the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-SC) was photographed bathing in the tears of protestors distressed by the collapse of American democracy. During the protests, many had questioned why McConnell staffers were out collecting the tears of survivors of sexual […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Details of the White House’s order for the FBI to investigate sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have revealed limits to the scope of the investigation. The White House has reportedly told the Bureau to ”…only investigate matters which have already been proven to be true.” President Trump also […]
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In her latest spewing of angry vitriol, Fox News screaming head Tomi Lahren lashed out at Palestinians for protesting the opening of the US embassy in Israel. On her instagram story, Lahren called the Palestinians “cry babies” after nearly 50 of them were killed in clashes with the Israeli military. Well known for her long […]
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Hawaiian tourists have suffered through nearly a week of disrupted nature tours due to the explosion of the Kilauea Volcano on Hawaii’s Big Island. As lava flows have cut off several of the islands most popular trails, many hikers are desperately trying not to allow it to ruin their vacation. “We came here for the […]
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WASHINGTON, DC — As immigration continues to be a hotly debated policy issue, president Trump has signaled he may be willing to negotiate with Democrats. Yesterday, after much back and forth, Trump released a statement with his “final solution” to the ongoing talks. The White House has offered a set of guidelines that would allow […]
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Shortly after sending an order prohibiting the use of certain words to the CDC budget office, the White House sent a similar note to the National Archives in Washington, DC with a list of words that must be omitted from the US Constitution. The list consists of 12 words that are no longer recognized by […]
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MENDOCINO, CA — Under heavy criticism for tweeting while the world literally burns, Trump made an unscheduled trip to central California to visit victims of the worst wildfires in decades. Ten lives have already been lost as thousands of residents have been forced to flee their homes to escape the aggressive blaze which has already […]
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Vice President Mike Pence left many morning java lovers shocked when he stormed out of an LA Starbucks earlier today. After slamming the door, a barista noticed he had left his tall vanilla bean, extra milk, extra white, decaf behind. “We accidentally just gave him black coffee,” admitted the barista. “At first I thought it […]
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New data reveals that Hurricane Harvey was much more grievous than previously believed. The hurricane was the worst such storm to hit the US in 12 years, leaving behind a path of destruction and $71 billion dollars in damages. But new research suggests that Harvey was much more sinister than scientists had imagined. Shockingly, scientists […]
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In a shocking escalation of his feud with Rex Tillerson, President Trump drew what appeared to be a penis on the forehead of his Secretary of State, before a nationally televised press conference. This comes on the heels of an NBC News article that claimed Tillerson had wanted to step down after coming to the […]
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After it was reported that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a ‘moron’, the embattled former Exxon CEO released a firm statement not denying the report. Earlier today, NBC News released a story claiming the relationship between Tillerson and Trump has grown so tense that Vice President Mike Pence had to step in and convince […]
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In response to a reported alarming rise in nun on nun violence, Republican members of Congress have vowed to introduce legislation to curb their nasty “habit”. Although only recently revealed to be a major agenda item, GOP leaders claim nuns have been rapping knuckles with increased frequency and ferocity since mid-century. Many opponents to the […]
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In an act of presidential benevolence and empathy, President Trump today honored the victims of the Las Vegas shooting with his new gold watch. This comes on the heels of the worst mass shooting in US history where at least 58 people lost their lives at a concert in Las Vegas. The perpetrator was believed […]
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Conservative News Network Struggles to Find Positive Spin Known for its conservative lean, Fox News has seen its ratings dive as President Trump and his White House have become increasingly difficult to report in a positive light. Producers say they have tried to promote other stories or simply not cover the President, but viewers seem […]
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Members of Trumps Cabinet Charter SpaceX Flight to Privately Deal with Travel Scandal After revelations that five members of Trumps cabinet had been using millions of taxpayer dollars to travel to private vacation destinations, White House officials have brought up major concerns about leaks. Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke was the latest to join the growing […]
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