White House Explains the Complexity of Recovering Balls Lost in Water Hazards

Golfing one of his all-time worst games this week, President Trump ordered caddies to recover several balls that he had hit into various lakes and streams on his Bedminster, NJ club, instead of taking a stroke penalty.

Irritated by the “fake news” stories that claimed he was not taking the humanitarian crisis in Puerto Rico seriously, Trump seemed unfocused and stiff as he completed the back nine. Official score cards recorded 8 lost balls, although Trump claimed it was only 3 and blamed the liberal groundskeeper for not properly filling the divots at the women’s tees.

Equipped with diving gear, the game was delayed 47 minutes as the caddies failed to pull up Trump’s golden MAGA ball. A White House spokesperson claimed, “It’s a logistical nightmare getting the right ball. Can sometimes take weeks.”

Meanwhile, Puerto Rico faces similar difficulties. Many of the 3 million American’s on the US territory are without power, gas, food or water after two powerful hurricanes devastated the Caribbean island over the past two weeks.

Trump was initially very supportive of San Juan’s Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz, tweeting kind words from the 3rd hole:

But his attitude quickly changed as his balls began to slice off the fairway.

Trump tweeted criticism of her leadership and complained about their “want(ing) everything to be done for them…”, after landing another ball in a deep pond between the 15th and 16th greens.

Cruz was unable to respond while continuing to save lives from the shelter she was living in after her home was blown away by the hurricane. Trump finished the game 20 over par.