NEW YORK, NY — According to eyewitnesses, local graphic designer Tyler McGrew arrived at work Tuesday morning wearing what appeared to be an entire roll of “I Voted” stickers — one for each imagined ounce of civic virtue. By 10 a.m., coworkers reported feeling “mildly guilty” just passing him in the break room.
“He hasn’t said a word,” said project manager Dana Lutz. “He just kind of drifts past our desks, rustling slightly. You can hear the silent judgement.”
McGrew, who claims to have voted “early, often, and enthusiastically,” reportedly began his day by placing a sticker on every visible surface of his body, including his laptop, reusable coffee mug, and forehead. His silence, sources say, is “more powerful than any campaign ad.”
“He keeps making eye contact with me during Zoom meetings,” said one employee. “It’s like he’s asking, ‘Have you even tried to save the republic today?’ And no, I haven’t, because I have back-to-back deliverables.”
By lunchtime, witnesses confirmed the man’s stickers had begun to peel, revealing layers of civic passion and light perspiration. Several coworkers briefly considered taking an early break to vote, not out of inspiration, but pure social pressure.
Experts describe this phenomenon as Performative Civic Virtue Fatigue — a growing condition among office workers who must coexist with overzealous voters. “The sticker is meant to encourage participation,” explained political psychologist Dr. Elaine Rupp. “But when worn in bulk, it becomes a passive-aggressive costume of moral superiority.”
As the day ended, McGrew was last seen standing by the exit, arms crossed, faintly illuminated by the reflection of his own stickers — a silent checking every shirt that walked into the elevator.
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