Conservative News Network Struggles to Find Positive Spin

Known for its conservative lean, Fox News has seen its ratings dive as President Trump and his White House have become increasingly difficult to report in a positive light.

Producers say they have tried to promote other stories or simply not cover the President, but viewers seem to no longer be interested in Hillary Clinton’s email scandal or Connecticut Senator Bernie Sander’s wife’s real estate investments when President Trump is attacking starving Puerto Rico residents for “wanting everything done for them”.

More recently, Fox News has been trying to push a story about Michelle Obama voting for her husband for president. The network criticized Mrs. Obama for saying women betrayed themselves by voting for Trump, and attempted to spin her into a hypocrite for not voting for female candidate Clinton. They had an alternate story available about her lacking family values if it was revealed that she had not voted for her husband.

Exasperated Fox producers are digging so deep to find redeeming Trump stories that they admitted they “may end up having to just show color bars for large segments of our programming schedule.”

Once a ratings boon, Bill O’Reilly’s “O’Reilly Factor ” was Fox News’ beacon of fair and balanced reporting with his famous “no spin zone”. But after his departure for sexual harassment, producer Jesse Watters claims they have been “fidget spinning the hell out of our stories, we even spun the stories about his departure. It’s become very hard for us to retain our best reporters because they keep trying to rub their genitals against female staffers.”

In the meantime, Trump continues to attack the defenseless and attempt to divide America. “There just aren’t that many ways to spin his words when they’re written on Twitter for the world to see.” Watters  continued, “We were running a segment on his great respect for San Juan Mayor Carmen Cruz, then five minutes in he tweets about what a loser she is. We had to cut to our technical difficulties screen.”

While Fox built its reputation on feeding the fears and anger of middle America, President Trump seems to be supplanting them one tweet at a time. With new far-right news outlets like Breitbart stoking the fires with even more hateful rhetoric, Fox News has actually become too soft for many viewers.

As one former viewer put it, “I hate that they play by the old rules of journalism. It’s the Trump era. Stop citing sources and pretending to be balanced. Pick a side!”