President Trump’s recent pick as head scientist for the USDA has many farmers fearing for the stability of the US food supply. Sam Clovis is a far right radio host from Iowa with no qualifications for the position which requires expertise in science and agriculture. In fact, as a climate change denier, Clovis could radically change nationwide agricultural practices and the distribution of $3 billion in government grants and funding. While this may alarm many critics, their greatest concern is his monstrous appetite.

“I grew up with Sam,” remembered one Iowa farmer, “He could wipe out entire crops before the drinks got to the table. Believe me, he should not be anywhere near a farm or food processing facility.”

Known for spreading conspiracy theories and having his picture on the wall of every Midwest restaurant with a competitive eating challenge, Clovis seems an odd pick even for the Trump administration. On top of this, he was recently directly linked to the Russia investigation as one of its key conspirators.

But the main worry is that Clovis could intercept and devour food intended to feed large swaths of the United States. “With a position at the USDA, Clovis would have access to every part of the delivery chain,” one agricultural scientist noted, “He could greatly diminish or completely eliminate critical shipments of grain and livestock in a single sitting.”

The lone child of well-known fast food mascots Colonel Sanders and Grimace, Clovis grew up in the shadow of his two famous parents. “He pretty much lived at KFC and McDonalds while his parents were working. His babysitter was basically a supersized extra value meal,” recalled one former fast-food employee, “But they couldn’t turn a profit while he was near the kitchen. Not sure he should be in charge of the country’s food supply.”