HOLLYWOOD — In what critics are calling “the most confusing casting decision since Cats,” director Taika Waititi announced that Chris Pine will play Chris Pratt in an upcoming biopic about Chris Evans.
The film, titled Chris: A Journey Into Chris, aims to “explore fame, identity, and the shared pain of having the same haircut.” Producers describe it as “a cinematic multiverse of abs, jawlines, confusion, and light emotional depth.”
“I wanted to challenge the audience’s perception of who Chris is,” said Waititi. “By the time the credits roll, they won’t know which one was which or where they parked their car.”
Insiders say Evans originally signed on to play himself but dropped out after realizing Pratt was already attached to portray “the more successful version” of him. When Pratt dropped out due to scheduling conflicts, Pine stepped in, citing “method confusion.”
“I’m honored to play Chris Pratt as interpreted through Chris Evans’s trauma,” said Pine at a press junket. “I studied both Chrises by watching Tomorrow War on mute and Captain America in reverse. It’s all about the energy of the biceps.”
Rounding out the cast, Chris Hemsworth will appear as “the concept of Chris,” while Chris Rock has been hired to narrate the existential despair.
The film is already generating Oscar buzz in the new category of “Most Confusing Movie You’re Afraid to Admit You Don’t Understand.”
Audiences can expect Chris to hit theaters this Chris-tmas.
