Kim Jong Un Out Vocabulates Trump

In a surprisingly lucid video statement, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un criticized US president Donald Trump for his recent verbal attacks on his country while addressing the United Nations on Thursday, in which Trump called for Kim to step down or be “completely destroyed” by the US.

While Kim has been known for his bravado, this recent release was the first time he had directly attacked a foreign leader calling Trump a “dotard”, a word previously unknown to the vast majority of Americans. After Googling the definition, most Americans were surprised that Kim was the first to unearth the most apt, efficient term for describing the US leader.

“Honestly, at first, I thought he had just mispronounced “retard”, then realized he probably doesn’t speak American. Dotard is pretty good though,” conceded Martin Beltzer, an office clerk from New York who voted for Trump. “I thought he was just plain crazy, but I guess he has some pretty good ideas. He’s got some of the most secure borders in the world, a North Korea first attitude, he’s spread a great sense of nationalism, and he doesn’t back down from a fight. I can respect that.”

Kim’s video has sparked a war of words between himself and Trump as the two world leaders vie for global respect, vowing not to be made fun of while everyone is watching. Trump responded via Twitter

Since Kim’s statement “dotard” has jumped to the 3^rd most popular US search term on Google after “weather” and “racism”.

With both leaders sitting atop a nuclear arsenal, it remains to be seen who can kill the most people the fastest. Trump is the heavy favorite, with 600+ nuclear capable weapons beneath his Vienna sausage fingers, but his kill total would cap out at 40 million assuming he limits his attack to North Korean citizens. While Kim is believed to have a limited number of hydrogen bombs, quick strikes to heavily populated Asian cities like Seoul and Tokyo could prove him the better man. If this is the case, a White House advisor speaking on conditions of anonymity said Trump has not ruled out expanding the attack to other populous sovereign nations.

In the meantime, the rising popularity of “dotard” has stumped Trump, whose most slicing verbal attacks towards Kim have been “rocket man”, “bad, bad”, and “very bad”, all well outside the top 100.